Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
