she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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