that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
