i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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