you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
