last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
