Where are you?
In a non slutty way
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
