I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
