just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
