Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
