New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
