Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
