Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
