things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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