Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
there is glitter all over my balls
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
