I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
