My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
