i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
