Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
