I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
