I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
