woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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