I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
