Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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