I must be too annoying 4 u.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
