fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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