Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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