I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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