It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize