i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
