He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
