i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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