I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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