He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
NoShamevember. You game?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
