Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
