I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
