if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
