Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
