dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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