The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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