But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize