okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
