u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
