Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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