She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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