at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
