I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
