she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
