i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
