the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
