I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
