I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
