My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
