Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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