hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
