I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
