A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
