Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
