Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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