absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
