Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
