You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
