The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
