i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
