I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
