Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
