I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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