Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
