That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
