I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
